We a group of few friends in our Gym. All of us will meet over coffee before the workout. Discuss all from Economy to politics to even personal issues
One of our very close friends was going through some family problems was always in an upset mood. Most of the times she will walk in she would start with complaints. " My husband is always shouting at me. He never wants to visit my parents. He is worst thing that happened to me "
Unaware that she is discussing it in public where only few will understand or show her right path. Most will derive pleasure out of it or try to show sympathy to gain good points in her eyes
" Oh poor girl I feel so sooty for you " , one will say. " why don't you walk out of his life. Take children away ". She added
" Go to police. Emotional harassment is as bad as physical . your one complaint will set him right. जब police का डंडा पड़ेगा तो सीधा हो जाएगा "। some other will advice
When me and my very close friend saw things out of control we asked her to meet in evening some place else. She came & shared, cried , abused her spouse. We gave her all time without interruption. Then other friend of mine in a very soft manner asked her few questions.
Do you give any space to your husband?
Do you feel bad when he uses bad language for your mother ?
Do you own your spouse or he is also an independent soul ?
Can he take decisions on his own which you as feminist demand all the time?
If your Son shouts back at you sometimes do you abuse him & thinks of throwing him out of the house?
I was amazed listening to all this. She got confused and started to think. Think because she was shown other side of coin.
" I am sure he is meeting some other woman. I check his phone but he deletes it all. " should I take all this " ? She asked
My other friend told her something which gave me life lessons too
Look you always have choice to walk out or complain to police. But can you follow few things for six months before taking this decision.
Stop answering him back. Ignore his anger. Care for him but become indifferent to his activities. Stop checking his mobile or calling him now & then to know what he is up to. We humans have tendency to get attracted to new things. But with same intensity we get bored of them. Concentrate on yourself. Spend few hours just with yourself. Stop blaming or look down upon yourself if he is seeing someone else. That is his problem not yours
Start to treat him like you treat your son. If your son shouts at you , you forgive him thinking he is in bad mood or is a child. Give your husband same benefit of doubt. Think when you get new toy for your younger one & then snatch it away from him what will he do? He will crave more for it. But when you give it to him he will get bored of it in two days
Similarly if your husband is seeing someone else & you try & be detective all the time he will crave for her more. You give him complete freedom but be indifferent to him he will start to get bored. Just be normal to him. No extra love pouring neither any abuse Just be what you were before marriage. Stop revolving your life around him.
" But why don't I take separate apartment. Then he can do what he wants" she replied
" No. stay there. Go through this grill. It is not easy to ignore but after few days you will start to enjoy this space. If you move out it is running away from your weakness
Trust me. She exactly followed her. Wasn't easy for her in beginning. But the husband started to notice the change. " why isn't she calling me? Why isn't she checking on me". " why is she so cool & composed"
Things have changed completely. Now her husband loves her even more More than love he respects her to stand with him even when he was not honest & good to her. The kids are lot more happier & confident. They have started believing in relationships.
Feminism is not about me, myself or how dare you behave like this with me. True Faminism is compassion and try to understand the other soul for his behaviour. I am not saying that continue relationship if you are suffering. But atleast try & give your best before closing the chapter. Very easy to walk out or go to police. The same people who advised you will be nowhere after 6 months & you may be regretting " did I give my best"
We are not America where we call police on every domestic physical or mental torture. Imagine if your kids start to call police if you shout st them ( as in US). A true friend will always want to make your house even if she has to show your shortcomings rather than provoking you to move out
Give it a chance. Change your self before expecting others to change. If that does not help other options are always available.
Why I wrote this blog today? Coz few so called feminists forced police to intervene & that too on social media. The house is broken for ever. Many families affected. I ask them for how long they will leave their own family & share loneliness of this women. Honestly I feeling bad for her. She may not understand it today but over time she might read my blog.
Relationships isn't about owning each other. It is about respect & understanding. Compromise & compassion. Give space to each other. Give positive vibrations. Stop discussing your personal issues with everyone. Stop complaining. Life is all about live & let live