Saturday, 10 February 2018

Marriage a relationship of freedom

Last evening as I finished my workout saw a message on my mobile “ Please don’t message anything as I am on leave and my wife might see them”

The message was from one of my investors whom I send all Market updates or sometimes light jokes. He is one of the many in my group of investors. Surprised by the message I called him and asked what was it all about ? He replied” Look my wife doesn’t like any sort of messages from any woman and I want peace in life”.

Going by his reply I removed him from the group and started driving back home. Many thoughts started to cross my mind. “ Is he a caged parrot? Why is his wife so insecure? Does marriage means you lose your own identity? You only are a husband or a wife ?”

Later at night going into my past I realised “ oh even I was same. How my hubby would have coped up with me all those years?” Yes years back I would want the details of all he did throughout the day. Whom did he meet? Where did he go? Checking his mobile always for if he is texting some woman

Not realising that in this entire process I was killing my identity too. My life was always revolving around his activities. Unnecessary suspicions and in process killing my own confidence. My life had become hell with imaginary thoughts and I was passing on same vibrations to him. Was to an extent that if he compliments a woman, unknowingly I shall start hating her

But then God was kind to me. I met a very beautiful soul. She over a period of months changed my entire thinking. She said “ Marriage is all about standing with each other at time of happiness or crises. It isn’t about to own a person or remote control your partner”

Isn’t that true? Why we woman want entire freedom for ourselves but keep a tab on our spouse for every breath he takes?  If some man will compliment me I will feel he is a Gentleman but if my hubby will do the same he is a flirt

I am a 360 degree change person now. No more frantic calling to check on him. He goes out on his own adventure trips with his gang. No mobile checking. ...... absolutely nothing. But this change should come from inside. Not that I do all this but emotionally breaking inside. It is difficult to do it but when one goes through the process and comes out free soul life becomes very beautiful

The problem somewhere lies in society. We are told possessiveness goes hand in hand with love. If you marry someone then you only belong to that person. We so easily fall in the trap of controlling the other person in name of care & love

Love & Marriage isn’t about keeping the partner in a locker. It is all about understanding each other’s emotions. It is impossible for any human to not to love or think of another person throughout his or her married life. And what is wrong in that? There can be temporary attractions. The same can culminate into short term affair. But trust me as long as Marriage is Happy and strong these events pass away

There are chemical reactions which might lead a person to get attracted to someone else. But the faster they happen, even more faster they die down.

I had two choices. One to be a typical wife nagging and checking on my hubby. Other to just let him enjoy his life. Trust me Second one was game changer for our relationship. As we both started to enjoy  with our own group of friends we came more close to each other. Yes there would be periods when he or me might end up in a short flick with someone else. But how does that matter Coz our relationship has become too strong to be broken. We are best friends to each other

Now you might feel “ what if your spouse finds someone else, with freedom he enjoys and walk our?” My simple answer is can you stop anyone, even if you keep thousands control. If he really loves you he won’t irrespevtive of any attractions. I have seen partners walking out of marriage in most controlled relationships too.

Let your partner enjoy life. In me & my hubby language “ शादी तो की है कोई फाँसी थोड़ी लगाई है”
Love is all about enjoying your partner happiness. But that doesn’t mean that the happiness should only be from you. It can be anyone. Enjoy his freedom. Enjoy his happiness. Let him live his life so that you can live yours too. And then experience the true life of togetherness

I know many will not agree with my views and might call me ..... any names. But this is my experience and I just wanted to share
Do give it a thought.

On a lighter note , Make your wife read it 


  1. Renuka, this is true till mutual understandig and space but sometime ego and hate can use this as tool to show the mirror to partner.Thats why in our hindu philosophy its called विवेक love , trust and positive acceptance will always help to built relation. Happy Valentine's day

  2. Oh yes.. I agree with you but with a caveat that the marriage is between the two compatible partners. However,despite compatibility the females tend to be more insecure in our society as men can get away with impunity for many things for which if a woman does, she is most likely to face the adversity.. However,I liked the way you have shared your experience & I agree with you..

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